APS TOGETHER
Day 6
Finish Chapter 2, pp. 102-121 (from “Early the next morning Mrs. Copperfield and Pacifica were together in Pacifica’s bedroom" through “Listen, your pal’s been out of the room two whole minutes already. She’s gone to look for Pacifica.")
December 8, 2020 by Claire Messud
Pacifica takes Mrs. C swimming, and revives her recurring dream of safety in a mannequin’s arms. This elating baptism leaves her “trembling and exhausted as…after a love experience” [p.106]: braving her terror together is a form of great intimacy.
When young Peggy Gladys takes to Mrs. C with a zeal and generosity similar to Mrs. C’s for Pacifica, Mrs. C can’t quite be kind in the way of Pacifica: she “could not resist being just a little bit sadistic” [p.112] with the girl.
“She was suffering as much as she had ever suffered before, because she was going to do what she wanted to do. But it would not make her happy.” Mrs. C will stay in Colon while her husband leaves. The paradox of agency: to take control, to be free is no easy thing.
“You are not able to face more than one fear…You also spend your life fleeing from your first fear towards your first hope. Be careful that you do not, through your own wiliness, end up always in the same position in which you began.” Mr. C writes to his wife as he leaves.
